A "Straight Lesbian" (trigger warning)

  • First things first, I'm not bashing anyone in particular.
    Secondly, the title of this journal is a joke thay has been thrown at me for years.

    To understand the big picture of this, you need to know I've been with the same man nearly 5 years and engaged about 4 to him.
    I'm also gay.

    I've known I was attracted to women since...eh..2nd..3rd grade? Even on an innocent level and age, I just didnt have interest in flirting with guys. Why? I was head over heals with my best friend (made the mistake of telling her I'm 2018 and she won't speak to me now).

    You know how long it took me to even openly know a lesbian or bisexual woman around me? High school. Fucking high school! On top of being horribly oblivious, I had a hard time knowing because we live in a small religious country town. Yes, it fucking sucks.
    Try growing up in a town as a German born Arian (with a 80%+ bloodline on top of it), lesbian, emo/Goth gal and trying not to get shot...

    I got labeled as a straight lesbian because most of my relationships have been with men. Physical intimacy with men is both painful and just downright uncomfortable for me but...we all get urges at some point. The pickings around here are slim, when it comes to women.

    So why, as an adult with more freedom to roam, have I been in the same relationship with a man for 5 years?
    In my freshman year, I met him and our best friend. Those guys forged my taste in men, hense my weakness for goth and punk men.
    Ironically, my sweetheart wanted nothing to so with me back then and our friend was never single long enough for me to ask him out.
    When we got older and began to bond, we have things a reluctant try. Now, nearly 5 years later, we're still together and planning our dream wedding.

    I still find women attractive and often wish I could have an occasional free pass to enjoy things. But, monogomy is a thing with our relationship (apart from a 6 month period).

    This whole bit doesn't bother me.
    What bothers me is when people poke their fucking noses in and act like it's a big deal! They act as if I'm more likely to leave him because I'm gay or that he won't be happy.
    We aren't a very sexual couple to begin with. Our intimacy lies with cuddles, caring for each other, and Video games. He doesn't have much of a drive and that works because I'd just rather not most of the time.

    But people act like that's such a bad thing!
    Why? Why is that so fucking horrible?!

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