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Bumps in the road

  • As I child I thought that love, (in a relationship) was straightforward, natural, wonderful and happy. I thought that after arguments you'd make up, that you would fight for each other and always be on each other's side. I thought that you would always know how to make the other person happy and comfortable. My experience of love has been nothing like what I had imagined. I have experienced a lot of things that I stupidly and naively thought only happened to 'other people' and I have been hurt more times than I can count. It wasn't until I hit a major setback that I realised that I have a type and that that type is problematic to say the least.

    I am married and I love my husband dearly but I do not love some of his problems. Some things tower over our lives and cast a permanent shadow and I'm afraid that it is having a permanent effect on me. He's currently sleeping on me after having what he would term 'a failure day' and is gently snoring. Right now everything is OK because I can see him and I know that he is safe but I know that tomorrow the knot in my stomach will tighten again and my levels of stress will rise. I will be waiting as currently things are at high risk of going wrong and I'm pretty terrified. I often wonder if we will get through this, if our relationship can survive this and it makes me feel sick so right now I'm going to try to enjoy this moment, however long it lasts.

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