Mosquito (4/10/17)


    I hate mosquitoes with a passion. It just so happens that I am the heaviest person in our household and thus emit the most CO2, which makes me the buffet bar when mosquitoes fly in. I become absolutely hellbent on hunting them and killing them, arming myself with vinegar and vehemence to smash them bare-handed against a hard surface. This weekend was no exception, except that I could not catch this mofo; it was huge, black, and a cocky son of a bitch, flying past me as if to say "Na na na na na, you can't catch me!' and then disappearing into thin air. As I sat down to eat dinner, the damn thing went berserk and actually started to attack me. My significant other saw it dive for my hair and started walloping me over the head repeatedly and was like, "I got it. Hold still."

    HOLD STILL?!?! Commence hyperventilation.

    He came back with a wad of toilet paper and started pulling mosquito guts out of my hair, brandishing remnants of its thorax proudly. Ugh.

    I do have one sorta sweet thing to share about it, though: earlier, while we were looking for the nasty thing, I wondered aloud, "Why do mosquitoes even exist?" and my significant other was like, "So that mosquito eaters have a food source." That led me to ask what the purpose of mosquito eaters was and he shrugged. I responded to my own question with, "I guess they exist for each other like you and me."