When Guys Find Out I'm a Mom

  • To the tune of The Lonely Island - "I'm On a Boat"

    Aww shit, get your shoes ready, y'all about to go running
    I ain't lookin' for no child support check
    But stay on your motherf*cking toes
    'cuz I keep paternity tests in my purse, let's go

    I've got a kid (I've got a kid)
    I've got a kid (I've got a kid)
    Everybody look at me 'cause I'm a baby's mama (baby's mama)
    I've got a kid (I've got a kid)
    I've got a kid
    Take a good hard look at this motherf*cking milf (milf, yeah)

    I've got a kid motherf*cker take a look at me
    Straight pumping breast milk on the scene
    Busting my ass to be a good mama.
    You can't stop me motherf*cker cause I've got a kid

    Take a picture, prick (prick)
    I've got a kid, bitch (bitch)
    We drinking apple juice,
    Cause it's so crisp (crisp)
    I got my PB and J
    And crustless sandwiches.
    I'm flipping you off, you're like a pancake
    Flip-floppity commitment-phobe joke.

    My kid's riding on a Joovi, doing flips and shit
    This stroller is expensive , getting everybody all jelly
    But this is the playground, this is real as it gets
    I've got a kid, motherf*cker, don't you ever forget

    I've got a kid and
    she's going fast and
    I got a Hello Kitty themed
    room for her.
    I'm a mother on a mission.
    I've got a kid like Angelina
    If you're hollerin' to get in my pants,
    then you're sure not for me-ah.

    Get the f*ck up, this FUPA is REAL!!!

    F*ck men, I've got a kid, motherf*cker (motherf*cker)
    F*ck sugar daddies, I earn my own money, motherf*cker (motherf*cker)
    I'm at the gym with my baby, motherf*cker (yeah)
    This kid will make your life hell, motherf*cker

    Hey VF, if you could see me now (see me now)
    Riding like a soccer mom in an suv (suv)
    Gonna fly this SUV to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
    Like Octomom, anything is possible

    Yeah, never thought I'd have a kid
    It's a big job (yeah)
    Babys r' Us
    Look at me, oh (all men hiding their paychecks)

    Never thought I'd see the day
    When a kid came out of me
    Believe me when I say
    I'm still tight AF

    I've got a kid
    I've got a kid
    Everybody look at me 'cause I'm raising a kid (woaah)
    I've got a kid
    I've got a kid
    Take a good hard look at this mothaf*ckin' baby mama (sha-sha-shorty, shorty, yeah)

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