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It's just stupid shit..

  • Recently, I cut off two of the most toxic people in my life.
    They were both previously my best friends.
    While I appreciate all the fun times we had together, I don't appreciate the constant bullshit they put me through.
    When couples pull you into their drama, and when you give them the truth and they don't like it
    They start throwing shit at you.
    And say they didn't want your help, but why fucking tell me??
    Why tell me he cheated on you if you didn't want to hear the truth??
    Why carry on dating her if she's a head case and she hits you? Why tell me?
    No!! You just want me to be miserable, just like you fuckers.
    When they were at their worst, I was their number one person.
    They would tell me everything and pour all of their negativity into me.
    In turn, I would try to pour all of my positivity into them.
    No matter what they needed from me, I would do it.

    I'd answer phone calls at any time, I'd check up on them and reach out, I'd tell them that I care about them, etc.

    Even when I wasn't feeling my best.
    I still was there for them. That's the type of friend I've always been.
    If I care about you, I'm going to make sure that you know.

    And people wonder why I never settle down with someone.
    cause there's no one nice out there? No one! I hear about couples like this all the fucking time. I'm glad I don't have someone suffocating me.

    The only family, I have is my kids, and that's all I ever needed.
    That's my favourite job.
    My other favourite job is caring for animals of all different sizes.
    When it comes to couples struggling to be together, and they war every day!
    What's the point??
    If you can't fix your problems, then don't drag others to make things worse.
    People in our lives are only there when you are dead certain about the problems.
    And there's no way to fix it! I learnt From the best. My mother told me you can only rely on family and your self the most. Everyone else lets you down.

    I look forward to a day when I no longer have to spend hours thinking and contemplating what I’m going to do and whether I will find that golden egg and, instead only spend a few minutes assessing things and moving forward with positivity.

    Looking at what works and what doesn’t and trying to know me through other people’s eyes as well as my own.

    So who’s to say ‘the one exists?

    An all-encompassing relationship where one person provides fulfilment of all our needs and desires and we provide the same for them seems like a bloody tall order if you ask me.

    I’m trying to talk to different people and see who can ‘fit’ into my life connecting with various parts of my mind, body, and soul at different levels.

    In the meantime connecting, communicating, and developing who I am is what I’m all about right now.
    Oh my, that would be a fantastic thing to achieve, but in reality, this is a rare golden dragon egg that few will find let alone keep hold of.
    I’m a realist and don’t expect this glittering egg to roll my way or be placed at my feet but it is a dream.

    News flash people are different, who knew?

    I have no idea how long this introverted self-reflection will take and when it will turn into something more habitual and ritualistic rather than all-consuming as it is currently.

    Don’t get me wrong it was right a lot of the time too but on the occasions where it was wrong rather than talk about it, I would sulk and feel slighted for him not making the effort to know me.
    I blamed him for my assumptions, hardly fair.

    I cannot iterate enough just how important talking and communication are, to me specifically but also in general, especially now.

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